No, I mean, I really wonder. Why has this pain not yet faded away, although I have tried everything within my power to withstand it. I have pulled away from you, and I came back. I ignored you for weeks, but part of me knew you were still there. Now you’re not anymore and I can’t help but think you forgot all about me. About who we were, about what we were like, about the future we had in mind for us. A future that is now gone; ripped to shreds, teared into a million small pieces.
Those words you told me, were they honestly that hollow and empty? When you said you wanted no girl but one like me, was that a joke? Because I sure didn’t take it as one. Alright, so maybe I am cold. Maybe I’m the one who said goodbye. But not really. You know who I am, who I was?

I was the girl who would travel to the other end of the world for you. I was the girl who felt your moodswings from miles away, who thought about you for nearly every second of the day. I wanted to take you to Paris and show you the Eiffeltower, I wanted to bring you to Vienna and show you the beauty of the city of rivers. I wanted to travel to Egypt with you and discover the pyramids, memories of an ancient world. I wanted to unreveal the secrets of life and death itself, with you by my side. I wanted to show you what true love meant, what it means like to be alive, what it actually means to live and breathe.

I would have died for you.

If we could start all over again, erase our mistakes and our wrong-doings, find a way to be together beyond our differences; I would gladly accept that opportunity. Your image haunts me, the wrongs I did to you are part of my worst nightmares. I know you would have wanted that too. I know for a fact that you love me. I am even willing to bet that you still do. You may have found a new girlfriend and I may have the best boyfriend I could’ve wished for, it’s still there. I’m not sure it’ll ever go away. It’s so deep and so strong that it’s part of me…

Perhaps I am judging you too harshly when I blame you for getting a new girlfriend so soon. I was the one who broke your heart after all, used you and then threw it away. That it was merely revenge, does not take my guilt away. I hurt you. But you’re the one thing that still matters, the first thing I think about it the morning. When I sleep at night, I still feel your strong arms around me, protecting me and holding me close. If you even begun to understand the meaning and potential of my love, you would not have turned on me that soon.

I know I hardly talk about it. I know my new msn nickname probably hurts your feelings. I know I can overreact and blame you for everything. But if we talk on the phone, can you honestly say you will ever trully love her the way you loved me? That she will ever mean the same? You were my first love, the boy I gave my virginity to, the boy I spent two and a half years of my love with and you throw all of that – all of the happiness, love, dreams, hopes – away for what?

You told me two weeks ago: “If I get a new, she’ll have to be smart. And at least half as pretty as you. She would have to be clever, witty and all of that”. If that’s what you find in your new girl, then I’m insulted. Not only my intelligence, but also my humour and appearance are insulted. Sure, she may fit better with you, but she fits none of them criteria.

You talk to me on the phone and call me ‘love’. You say you do not wish to hurt you. Neither do I, but I had to make a choice, a choice which I will never regret. It just…hurts. Don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how, I can’t even begin to explain. You were my world, and now you’re gone I’ll havr to reinvent my world all over again. That sucks, you know.