Zwinkyness

No really, he is. He has the same taste of humour like I have - he can laugh at about anything, he often bursts out in laughter for no particular reason and he can make witty remarks which cause a smile to appear on my face - and we have a lot of hobbies in common. He enjoys spending time online, browsing the internet, or learning stuff about computers, the universe and what not - I spent most of my spare time online too. He likes reading a fantasy book once in a while, whereas I am (duh…) your number one fantasy book fan. His favourite book is the Lord of the Rings trilogy, while I prefer Robin Hobb or Raymond E. Feist - but hey, then we atleast have something to discuss about! He enjoys watching a nice movie and relaxing on the couch, exactly one of my favourite things to pass hte time. We even share the same taste of music, although he enjoys ‘hardrock’ and such more than I do, but we do have bands we both like endlessly, such as Epica, Nightwish and Dragonforce.

He likes taking me out for dinner and making me feel special, as if I’m some high class society chick rather than the girl next door. He enjoys taking me to the cinema and buying me popcorn, holding my hand through out the entire movie and once in a while whispering in my ear how much he loves me. He fancies giving me presents, most commonly in the shape of books. He says he could die everytime he sees my smile when I get a new book (don’t get me wrong, I don’t beg for books every second, but I am pleased when he gives one to me, as a surprise). When he couldn’t get me a teddybear at the local village fair, he went off to buy one (and a gorgeous one, may I add) just so he could ’see that smile again on my face’. When I’m sad or depressed, he comforts me, and if he cannot come over to hold me while I cry, he phones me. We talk for hours through the telephone, about all sorts of things…we talk so long that I can’t imagine that he’s not bored with me and that we never really realise that there’s nothing left to say. With him, it’s like there’s always something to talk about.

When I’m in pain, he looks after me. When it’s one of those moments that I really really need him, all I have to do is sent a text message and I know he will come over right away. He’s one of the few people in this world that I can really count on and can trust. When looking back on it, I often wonder why I did not meet him sooner, why we didn’t fall in love months before. But when I think about it really hard, I know that I fell in love the moment I met him - it just took me months to figure it out. I had to go through a lot of pain and misery before I realised that he was the best friend I had and that I loved him with all my heart, that we fit together like Yin and Yang, like the Alpha and the Omega, like Romeo and Juliet.

He’s the bloody best thing that ever happened to me.

Well, for starters, I sincerely apologise for being absent for so long. Several reasons have been the cause of this, but the primary reason is of course the surgery I had to go through. Although I only had to stay in the hospital for about a day, it was nevertheless a very harsh thing for me to go through. Now, five days later, I am still unable to do a lot of things: everytime I bent through my knees, or turn around quickly, my head will go all blurry and I have the feeling I’m going to faint. Ofcourse it was a head surgery, so I suppose I could not have expected anything else, nevertheless I had hoped it would have passed by now. Guess it’s a stubborn disease - if you could call sinusitis a disease. My nose still hurts a lot. I can barely study too: max. an hour, before I’m too tired to move a muscle. So I’ve spent my days mostly switching between studying/doing homework and watching the television.

Apart from that, some other issues have been playing in my mind too. For starters, my Mom. She has this weird illness, which she at first thought was cancer, but turned out to be - thankfully - something far less serious. Since Mom had a form of cancer some months ago, she is still very much spooked about it. I can certainly not blame her for it, but I hoped she would not jump to conclusions that quickly. Anyway, she still has some problems (if I actually explained what exactly she has on this weblog, she would sincerely kill me…at least three times, so I’m not going to get into it any further) but now she knows she will be capable to come along on our annual trip to Sunparks, she is feeling better.

Third problem which I’m trying to deal with now, is my boyfriend. No, he’s a real sweetheart and totally not the problem, but he recently got into an argument with his father and now wants to move out. Certainly, he’s old enough to do so, and has the money for it (no, he’s not rich or anything, but he has worked a lot the last couple of years so I’m sure he can afford it) and he would probably be a lot calmer if he could live without the constant whining of his father, but nevertheless I would have liked this to go more…planned, rather than just ‘ready set go’. I’m not ready for this. No, it’s not like I’m going to live with him - I’m quite alright here with my Mom, and ready to go to university next year - but still…I’m not ready to have a boyfriend who is living on his own. It has this strange sense of responsibility and insecurity when thinking about it. To be honest, I’m not THAT independent (I need my Mom for everything) so I doubt I would be capable of living on my own. Next year, hopefully, when I’m going to university, but even that is not really living on my own - it’s on my own, but in some sort of community. Thing is, I know my boyfriend has been wanting to do this living alone thing for quite some time, but never really got to it. So we never had a conversation, in which I could express my doubts, either. In some way I do feel as though it does not concern me - it’s not me who is going to live on my own - but in another way, I feel as though he should consult me more about these things and ask my opinion. Pft. Complicated little mess. And I bet in some weeks, he’s either going to tell me that he’s moved back home or he found a place to live and then show me, without even consulting me first about whether or not I like the house. I mean; if we’re going to stay together (and we have been for over a year and a half now), at least he should ask me my opinion about the house…or am I being too freaked out about this?

Anyway, all of this falls into utter insignifance compared to the fact I have failed a math test last week, which I’m supposed to be really good at. Oh well, when life gives you lemons…