Zwinkyness

Well, for starters, I sincerely apologise for being absent for so long. Several reasons have been the cause of this, but the primary reason is of course the surgery I had to go through. Although I only had to stay in the hospital for about a day, it was nevertheless a very harsh thing for me to go through. Now, five days later, I am still unable to do a lot of things: everytime I bent through my knees, or turn around quickly, my head will go all blurry and I have the feeling I’m going to faint. Ofcourse it was a head surgery, so I suppose I could not have expected anything else, nevertheless I had hoped it would have passed by now. Guess it’s a stubborn disease - if you could call sinusitis a disease. My nose still hurts a lot. I can barely study too: max. an hour, before I’m too tired to move a muscle. So I’ve spent my days mostly switching between studying/doing homework and watching the television.

Apart from that, some other issues have been playing in my mind too. For starters, my Mom. She has this weird illness, which she at first thought was cancer, but turned out to be - thankfully - something far less serious. Since Mom had a form of cancer some months ago, she is still very much spooked about it. I can certainly not blame her for it, but I hoped she would not jump to conclusions that quickly. Anyway, she still has some problems (if I actually explained what exactly she has on this weblog, she would sincerely kill me…at least three times, so I’m not going to get into it any further) but now she knows she will be capable to come along on our annual trip to Sunparks, she is feeling better.

Third problem which I’m trying to deal with now, is my boyfriend. No, he’s a real sweetheart and totally not the problem, but he recently got into an argument with his father and now wants to move out. Certainly, he’s old enough to do so, and has the money for it (no, he’s not rich or anything, but he has worked a lot the last couple of years so I’m sure he can afford it) and he would probably be a lot calmer if he could live without the constant whining of his father, but nevertheless I would have liked this to go more…planned, rather than just ‘ready set go’. I’m not ready for this. No, it’s not like I’m going to live with him - I’m quite alright here with my Mom, and ready to go to university next year - but still…I’m not ready to have a boyfriend who is living on his own. It has this strange sense of responsibility and insecurity when thinking about it. To be honest, I’m not THAT independent (I need my Mom for everything) so I doubt I would be capable of living on my own. Next year, hopefully, when I’m going to university, but even that is not really living on my own - it’s on my own, but in some sort of community. Thing is, I know my boyfriend has been wanting to do this living alone thing for quite some time, but never really got to it. So we never had a conversation, in which I could express my doubts, either. In some way I do feel as though it does not concern me - it’s not me who is going to live on my own - but in another way, I feel as though he should consult me more about these things and ask my opinion. Pft. Complicated little mess. And I bet in some weeks, he’s either going to tell me that he’s moved back home or he found a place to live and then show me, without even consulting me first about whether or not I like the house. I mean; if we’re going to stay together (and we have been for over a year and a half now), at least he should ask me my opinion about the house…or am I being too freaked out about this?

Anyway, all of this falls into utter insignifance compared to the fact I have failed a math test last week, which I’m supposed to be really good at. Oh well, when life gives you lemons…